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  • BLAMING

BLAMING

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Learning from the "Three Fing... Learning from the "Three Fingers Pointed At Self"
Blaming Others Brings on Chronic Stress:
Even if I am using this as a defense mechanism to avoid anxiety or emotional pain, harboring negative emotions and anger means I am living with chronic stress, the type that eats away at me little by little. Chronic stress is the type of stress linked to chronic fatigue, back pain, stomach upset and headaches and serious diseases like heart trouble, Cancer, Depression and autoimmune diseases.

Much of malcontent has to do with the refusal to take personal responsibility. People make mistakes and engage in regrettable actions. But by failing to take personal responsibility the road to constructive change is blocked. This refusal is piloted by the belief that somehow it is not okay to make mistakes. Better to blame others than to admit culpability. For, making mistakes means being flawed and being flawed means being unworthy of respect.

I must give up the blame claim that someone always has to be blamed and made to pay. Everyday life isn’t a court of law and I'm not the judge and jury. To accept myself and others unconditionally is not easy. This doesn’t mean I can’t negatively rate my own actions or those of others; but it does mean that I shouldn’t berate myself or others. People aren’t “assholes” or “shits” even when they do shitty things.

Articles in Psychology Today and others suggest "recasting responsibility" as a way to learn from my mistakes. Accepting my fallibility as a route toward self-improvement has brought peace of mind. I rest content that I live in an imperfect world. Embracing this imperfect universe and the fallible beings in it, myself and others — putting my energy into choices that move me forward - has paid off richly.

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