Inna's right! I'm very much like Jenna Hamilton of Awkward. She's clumsy, she blogs the way I do and some of her closest friends don't know about the blog. She like me uses the blog as an outlet instead of something to reach out to readers. You know what's funny. I thought she was really shallow at times. Like in certain situations like when Matty's brother was drunk. I don't understand how she cannot understand that why she wasn't introduced to his brother because the brother plans to seduce her. I mean not really like that, but somewhere close there.
I don't understand how she'd rather choose mind than heart. I mean, she didn't even give Matty a chance to ask her to formal. I mean three days were still coming or how many more but come on. Deadline should at least be the last night before the event. I don't know it's sucky. Then it hit me. I was like Jenna, over the petty stuff I got mad and made the wrong choices. I fall for the wrong kind of people. But there's a big difference to that I promise. I choose neither. I don't know I think life is easier to move forward from if I stopped assuming and confronted. I can only really be a lady when I learn to handle myself with grace. I'm hiding in shame. Carelessly handling the situation, making it spread like wild fire. I needed to use my head. I never really would've picked Jake for Jenna. I wasn't convinced either but until the part where Jenna said "I didn't know what I was missing" .. on him holding her hand in public. Well, what I don't understand is why couldn't she just have asked a kiss from Matty while in school so that she wouldn't feel so secretive. I mean they did the deed, what's the harm in a simple kiss.
Ah, a simple kiss. I honestly have been wanting to know how it feels like. I don't know. I'm conflicted. All I know is I want this over with, everything the feelings the part where I'm obsessing for a long term relationship which I can't keep. Well I'll see. I might just be like Jenna though, the victim.
I'm blowing up, word vomiting --Mean Girls reference-- everything about anything. I'm scared for myself and those people I've told secrets about. I've decided I'll try to learn to handle myself better. I'm on omegle chatting with strangers. Why? because I'm making sure I don't blow up anymore, that I can react how I can to different types of people. Because as I'm blowing up here with my own problems... people suddenly blow up with feelings for me. What's wrong with you? I overthink things. What makes you think you clarifying it to me will make it easier for me to shut you down? I don't know.
It's just there's a lot happening. Things are speeding up. Which is good, I'd like school to be overwith and summer to come. I definitely missed the times I had obsessed over Scotty McCreery and boys were just backgrounds to fill... Whatever it is... I just don't want days like this page 7 of 366 where I just overthink everything. I don't want to be left with my laptop. I want to go out and have a good time with friends. I want to be able to download anything I want at anytime. and fast too. Well so much for what we want. We don't control what happens in our lives, we can control however how we feel. And this is my strategy.
page 6 of 366, Well what can I say about this day... Dreaming away. I've been so lost in my thoughts the entire day. I also didn't have enough time for sleep. So there that's it. I am not myself today in other words. You see a lot has happened. Which I will tell you over the weekend you have no idea how crazy my life has been these past months. From Art to Wid, to Net to Eyes to Banana to my sister, my mom, my friends. There's so much things to tell. Switched at Birth Awkward and many more tv shows. I honestly can't wait to tell you all about it.
It was perfect. I had Dysmenorrhea, which one of my young uncle's girlfriend told me was perfect when we were drinking Tequila. Alcohol you see helps this sickness make it a little better. At least for the time being. I suddenly had my period after a 2-3 day stop. Who knows why? I wish I knew. R wasn't around today and their frat juniors were hosting some kickback. I was invited by Eyes this morning-afternoon. Somewhere there. I really wanted to go. I was deeply curious about their frat and about him. There's just somethings in bad boys that attract me.
I was also hoping to see Gi, a good friend of mines who introduced Eyes. They are from my area. It feels like we have some connection especially when our schools have consortiums together. It feels more reachable. I don't know, I'm just rambling here. I wanted to say sorry to Gi because I was quite annoying during the break. And whenever, feeling close whatever. It's just I don't know how to explain how I feel when I say more reachable. I don't also understand why I don't feel the same way with May and Rush, (two friends, two batches older than me also from my school) probably because I already sorta knew them? I don't know. These were questions begging for an answer a solution for me to stop questioning this feeling.
I also wanted to talk to Clint, because I was in a club that we kind of found. I don't know how to say it but we do quiz cons and help around and stuff.. Sort of. We don't really do anything. I wish we did more I mean for the sake of service but I feel fine not doing anything because my work is piled. So I was expecting Clint, Eyes and Gi to be there. I was also sort of expecting R to be there but I was relieved they told me when Eyes and I met that he wasn't there. Actually I felt more willing to go. That seemed wrong. Anyway I heard that Gi was with R. Clint, Gi and Eyes by the way are in the same fraternity as R. So I thought well, there's no more use for me here. I decided to bolt.
Now I'm at my dorm sort of regretting I didn't go also, somehow relieved. I don't know... I told you I got a lot of introducing for you guys. haha but because it's already 10 and dorm wifi's gonna be gone soon, til next time :). This is my page 5 of 366. :D
So I know it's been not so long since I last posted really. What happened was dorm wifi. You see our dorm's wifi is only extended until 10 in the evening. I know it's already such a special privilege to have free wifi but you see I'd get my own broadband if only it was as fast as wifi. So I just type in my notepad whatever posts I'm supposed to write here on bg so that I can just post it online whenever I can although I manipulate the time so it will be as if I wrote it during that date ;) :)))
Anyway here are links to it :) I thought of including the post for the day as well. :D
Pages
two,
three and
four of 366 :) Enjoy! :D I hope you read the earlier ones too. They're pretty interesting esp. 3rd page ;)
Today, hmmm today was pretty awesome I mean it was alright. It's just an iffy day. I don't really know how to classify it. It ended well.(period) that's just it.
The day just seem to have started unlucky because of the weather and my clothing I guess. There was something that didn't seem to fit right.
Computer Science Lab was alright boring at first but I totally get what we were doing. Same with Math although I love my math teacher he just acts so funny sometimes I don't feel he's a teacher and I'm describing a large class teacher, imagine how he gets all our attention, which he does. After Math, Literature where I don't do well because he quizzes objectively. I mean I'm all for that but a novel objective question? What the? It's hard to remember all that crap we don't think is important.
Anyway he did a subjective quiz today and we analyzed, something I'm interested to do. There was a time he asked the entire of class of probably 160, whether this character was flat or round. Majority said round and I was on the minority. I defended my answer and I felt proud to know that he asked people if whether they were convinced with what I said and that the character was flat. Then he said would it convince them more if he said he thinks the character is flat too. I felt sort of honored I mean ego I don't know. I just felt a little praised to think that he thinks I could have changed minds.
After Literature, we had bio and I started to have that feeling "Just one more subject and the day is done" I tried to fight that. I actually enjoyed during the last part. I was just sleepy by this time because I just had eaten my dinner at 5:00. So my oxygen was fighting between thinking and digesting. It worked out eventually. We watched this cool nature documentary with predators of the desert finding, capturing and consuming prey.
That's page 4 of 366.
Now I'm about to take a bath and study for my computer science exam... GOOD LUCK to me and all those who have exams this week. Vacation is officially over. :))
I PASSED! WEEEEE!
55/85 I barely did but I did and I'm happy. Imagine I did this at the worst time of my health yet I got through and I know I can do much much better. Btw that was my Math Exam. Also I found out today that I'd have to go through this month with a long exam every week except next week for different subjects. I also got to see a lot of my friends which I'm very thankful for. Be prepared Bg friends man do I have a lot of introducing for you.
Anyway before that I'm taking my Computer Science test this Thursday please pray for me. After that I'm cleaning up. My phone, my pc, my room and myself. I think it's about time to be less virusy :)) I downloaded so many things just to get my c program running. I'm hoping this weekend I get to declutter my laptop and all that.
Today was alright. I mean I still had that "just one more subject and I'm done" attitude but anything goes as long as I'm getting by. Okay now's a little fun part:
R likes me I think. He sent me of a picture of a boquet of flowers and said that was what he was supposed to give me during my birthday.
R is also the head of one of the most prestigious fraternities here. Probably the only fraternity I knew by the end of my first semester. It's great honor to be liked someone that high into position. I know it's really shallow of me to think but he's pretty old and and all my friends say so too. He looks alright but I think I might prefer my past. Also it's not really a total pro being somebody's girlfriend of a fratboy or just being their friend. One day you'd see your frienemy beaten half to death when the worst thing you want for that person is for him to see the terrible rant you made about him.
I just realized how shallow I sound (when I proofread what I was writing)how I find it glorifying to myself that I find it high honor to be liked by somebody of his power when I shouldn't be looking into power. Although when I don't look into his power, I don't see a positive light, like looks age. They all don't seem to fit for me but I think that was pretty shallow of me to base him on that. Although isn't that what people first see then the personality they fall in love. I feel like a total bitch.
Anyway I saw their frat at my usual hangout place. Who knows why they were there but I'm sure they had some businesses to take care of. I hope it's nothing physical. I saw two of my happy crushes from their frat. Let's call one star and the other eyes. Because, I'll explain to you next time. Man am I overloded with introductions to you. Anyway loves, It's been quite a night not so emotional but just mentally tiring and what not. How I Met Your Mother gave it the best ending I'd like for the page 3 of 366.
Page 2 of 366
This day was filled with reminiscing. Cleaning out my room for 3 more months of dorm life. I remembered how things went, how I had meltdowns every week then. Also how much I stained by bed. I didn't know what would happen this week of classes. I was thinking super haggard no messing around of things. I didn't know what else tests to expect. But all I was sure of was getting my computer science problem done.
You see I'm supposed to use c program to create a multiplication table, finding the next prime number of a given number, reversing numbers, testing whether the number was prime or composite. Stuff like that. Imagine the migraine I have when I finished. I also did not succeed with my new year's resolution but I just told myself to give it a break and start the next day.
I had so much stories to tell which I had no idea I would. I thought we'd just go back to normal, but I come out bouncy and what not. It was also a sleepy day. Probably because my bed already misses me. Or the car just holds some sort of power with in me that when ever I'm in, I yawn. I also got a new phone with money from my Christmas funds haha. I also didn't finish gift wrapping and whatnot. I can't believe also I forgot the freaking cider me and my friends were supposed to enjoy tonight. Well next time we can enjoy but as for now, it's study study. I just have to make sure I pass. Tomorrow my math fate rests in God's hands.
According to my bloguru date it's still January 1, well let's keep it that way although I'd like to call it page 1 of 366. However now, it's about 21 minutes past midnight so, Jan 2, 2012 and I am stained of my own blood. No, I didn't kill myself haha and no I'm not trying. It's a superpower ladies do every month. Bleeding for a week every month. I'm trying to do an assignment that was given out during the break. There are a lot of times I wish I hadn't procrastinated but I think it's one thing I do best. It could be the missing talent I'm looking for. Although I wish I have more useful talents like dancing or singing. Anyway while that was happening I found blood on my bed.
Great.
Guys I know you wouldn't want to read this but you have to know how annoying it is when that happens. It's a normal thing like piercing one's ears, fixing one's hair, dressing up or having sex. Yes, I know T.M.I. still it's annoying how we have to go through this process every month and why? So we can give birth. Which I heard freaking hurts too. The joy received afterwards though seems to be unimaginable. Anyway guys just value us ladies because it's really hard to be nice especially when this is happening.
My assignment now is to do a problem set that involves compiling programs or however you call it, whatever, as long as it's a .c file/ c++ compiler. Stuff like that. I want to finish this before I start packing up again for Los Banos. And on eternal replay is Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift. Very beautiful I must say but it's starting to get annoying but part of my resolution is to learn one new line everyday. That's gonna be one heck of a challenge I guess haha.
This new year I challenge everyone of us here to do something different with our lives. We've been touched by so many people and like on
The Brooke Ellison Story we can choose whether we shall be paralyzed to the world or contribute to it.
This is my page 1 of 366 and I'd like to learn what I'm capable of.
That shit's legit. We were talking about Marcos, about to leave my grandparents' place almost three in the morning. Let's go back a few days.
Dec. 29 I finally got my drivers license. I can now legally drive on my own. Afterwards a reunion with my skating family and then Christmas committee responsibilities. I have alcohol in my system I'm sorry if whatever I'm posting seems to be out of place. haha.
Dec. 30 The Christmas party and preparation for that. This deserves a separate blog. haha.
Dec 31 After hang out with my choir bestfriends group, net all day then prepare and new year's eve dinner. After dinner, hung out with cousins I was closer too then. Then hung out with cousins closer recently and finally my uncles or cousins and their girlfriends.
This is where the fun starts. This is where I took my first shot of tequila of the night. My sister had been more acquainted by this time to the people around me. I had spent time with my other cousins who we were closer to when we were kids. They didn't really drink and ever since I remember I was allowed, I was part of the drinking gang... but they knew we were light drinkers as we were minors. My cousins once bickered on how they didn't really feel my sister and sometimes me especially when we went to drink with the older people. I didn't mind staying with them because as it turns out I had Dysmenorrhea and I just wanted to sit in one area that's not too cool or hot.
Later when I had started drinking I found out Alcohol can sort of remove the pain I felt. Damn why didn't I try sooner. Anyway we enjoyed our conversation until my cousin left along with his girlfriend. So all that was left was my grandmother, father, uncles and one of their girl friend. They were all cool with me drinking, I drank really light this year. Two half-shots of Tequila and one glass of Merry's Irish Cream which tasted like chocolate milk. Anyway.. our conversations were good. A lot of depth but didn't really remove that hype.
We came to the topic on Philippine Oceans then led to the Strait where there are a lot of Discovery Channel people looking for new creatures down the 2nd/3rd lowest pit in the ocean. The Discovery Channel once featured the Philippines which was taunted for because of the pronunciation of actions or other stuff. To the point we came to the topic
Marcos!
So my uncle was saying a lot of stuff he said things like That Shit's legit, people are stupid now and Imelda was the closest thing to royalty here in the Philippines.
Did you guys know that Chairman Mao/Mao Tze Tung bowed before her? A Chinese Communist Leader, China's leader bowed before Imelda Marcos! After that conversation which was really filled with swear words we decided to go home and this is where things started to crack me up.
"Your wife left her phone she asked if you could bring it home."
"Why do I have to do it? She can get it for herself"
"Come on, she's pregnant and you're here drinking"
"It's not like it's my fault she's pregnant"
--> In my head, uuh dude It totally is hahahaha
"It's your fault too"
"Well, Shit happens"
He was really drunk. It was a really funny and light conversation. It's just he was really drunk. haha
Happy New Year!!! :D
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LE DAJ 
Dorothy Earp 
Kenichi Uchikura 
Mandy Liu 
.cherrie mae. 
little_eriko 
Michelle 
Inna 
Yllumière Leir 