The author of LEAN IN, Sheryl Sandberg lost her husband and I'm reading her latest book OPTION B - facing adversity, building resilience and finding joy. She writes, “Growing up, I was taught to follow the Golden Rule; treat others as you want to be treated. But when someone is suffering, instead of following the Golden Rule, we need to follow the Platinum Rule: treat others as they want to be treated. Take a cue from the person in distress and respond with understanding—or better yet, action.”
“Treat others as they want to be treated?”, assuming not everyone grieves similarly. There are all kinds of loss - divorce, change, failures, growing up.
So, how do I want to be treated? Likely I will find some answers further in Sheryl’s book. How do I learn to communicate so my relatives and friends know what I need without imposing on them too much? Again, the lines resonate, “Friendship isn’t only what you can give, it’s what you’re able to receive.”
Experiencing loss, I had a hard time with one call in particular. He was sorry he couldn't make it to Sam's memorial and went on about his own loss a couple years ago. On the other hand, I treasure the connections, all the cards, emails and texts - I can't get enough. It doesn't need to be anything specific subject of conversation, I just enjoy visiting and having opportunities to visit.
It’s been 8 months now and I’m visiting the grand girls so I’m feeling good and not lonesome. Reading Sheryl’s book feels good, but it also brings tears again. I’ll keep reading and I assume it's all part of the process.