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PARETO DISTRIBUTION TO MAKE THINGS BETTER!

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Special Drawing for My Blog Special Drawing for My Blog
According to Vilfredo Pareto, economist/sociologist of the early 1900s, 80% of the Italian wealth belonged to 20% of the population. Economists further determine that 80% of outcome in a business is accomplished by 20% of the employees.

In Parenting, we want our girls to learn to be part of that 20%. That also means overcoming the 20% of the negative odds that create 80% of our issues in life.

With no school and snowbound days, as the girls are spend too much time under comfy throw blankets on the living room couches. Mom is yelling, “Girls, get off your devices!”

The irony is that Mom is also on her devices because that is part of her “gotomedia” business of creating enticements that keep the world on their devices.

Grandma is also on her device writing stories for OMOIDE books and leaving a legacy.

One of the good habits in our household is that we never miss setting the table, calling everyone to dinner and having some discussions while we eat. Therefore, in discussing about Pareto Distribution, one of the conclusions is: “With a quick 20% more effort at the end of each day, our house will be 80% cleaner and ready for our next creative effort!!”

Another suggestion is: “With 20% more sleep, we can become 80% healthier.”

The conclusion? It takes “not too much effort” to make a mess. But it’s also “not that difficult” to make things a little bit better!

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SNOW WITH CHRISTMAS!!

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SUKI LOVING THE SNOW!! SUKI LOVING THE SNOW!!
Sixty years ago, it was 2am and Sam & I hadn’t eaten all day and night. With our getting married at the Ontario, Oregon, Baptist Church, reception at the Ontario Moore Hotel and gift opening at my Uncle Frank’s home; we weren’t given a moment to eat anything ourselves.

We drove the 40 miles to the motel in Caldwell, Idaho, that Sam had reserved, through a heavy snow storm. We dropped off our bags and were so hungry we decided to drive around Caldwell to see if we could find some place. Shortly, we found a cop in his police car who directed us to a place.

Those days driving in the winter and snow was no big deal. Can’t imagine that we asked everyone who attended our wedding to drive to Ontario in the middle of winter and specially on Christmas Eve??

Another thing that we took as "part of life" was that Sam had to go to a couple different places to get the reservation because a couple places would not serve us because we were Japanese. Life was not and is not fair. It was wrong! We dealt with it and moved on with doing our best.

All four years since Sam has passed has seen snow on Christmas.

Snow and eating is still marking Christmas as we make more memories and face today's challenges! What is it that we can do to operate at higher levels?!

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SISTERS FIGHTING THEIR MOST FORMIDABLE ENEMY

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Taking care of inner demons! Taking care of inner demons!
It’s Christmas break and the dog Suki is growling as the sisters are bantering and sometimes getting competitive with “one-upmanship”. One enemy is “too much sugar” which eventually gets them into bad moods.

MOM is yelling at them to get their chores done like: “take out the garbage and compost”, “clean you room” and “take the dog out”. Another enemy is the enticement of electronic devices. But Mom with gotomedia, like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs have formed companies that make looking at devices enticing??

According to Clinical Psycologist and one time Professor of Psychology at Harvard, Jordan Peterson, the biggest enemy is the demon within each of us. He says, “We all need to learn that as humans, we are all capable of “Hitler type destruction of humanity’.” He goes on to explain that his favorite character is a person who always caries a sword but keeps it in the sheath.

Today, as I watch our 14-yr-old draw, I am excited to explain what her picture says to me, “The sisters are ready to fight the demons ‘INSIDE’ and some of us like to put more energy into fighting!”

She quickly responds, “YES, like my sister!!”

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NEIGHBOR TO NEIGHBOR TRADITIONS REVIVED

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We're Making History!! We're Making History!!
Forty-eight years ago, 1973, when Sam and I built our new house off West Mercer Way, we were welcomed with neighborhood coffee hours. The Mercer Island City's Welcome Wagon gave us a basket of goodies. That summer, our girls - first and fifth graders, were introduced to students from the East Seattle School which was along West Mercer way and close to the floating bridge. Before the floating bridge opened in 1940, our neighborhood students commuted to Seattle's Garfield High School by boat. East Seattle opened in 1914 and was demolished last year, 2020.

December, 1973, neighborhood children got together and went caroling, finishing with hot chocolate and marshmallows at our house. In the past 40 years those traditions got lost.

This past summer, the first time in my memory from those early days, Ray hosted a gathering on his deck as the Covid-Restrictions eased in 2021. Over a dozen of us gathered with Canadian, Prussian, Japanese, German, Jewish, French, Irish, Korean heritages. Ray's next door neighbors are an elderly Korean couple who were very quiet. Then, as we were all leaving, someone talked the husband into sitting at Ray's grand piano. All of our mouths flew open and our eyes became saucers as we heard his operatic Pavarotti voice ring out a rendition!

Sam and my grown up first grader moved back to our house with her two daughters Christmas Eve 2019. Remembering the old times, she invited the neighbors to a second gathering, December 2021, with the girls lighting up our house with seasonal decor. As we enjoyed stuffed peppers, brownies and cheese & crackers, Ray told us about his Foreman grandparents from Alberta, Canada. They built the first house on our hill, around 1935, on Maker street. Ray's mother, Robin Foreman, and father built the second house and we were one of the last of the dozen or more houses on this Foreman property. Robin was also on the committees for the development of the Mercer Island Beach Club and the Mercer Island Library.

I couldn't help but give Ray a bad time by recalling our first encounter with him as a middle school student in 1973. He and his neighbor friend, Andrew, took advantage of the lumber delivered for the building of our house. My husband, Sam, noticed the building of a crude hide-away, similar to the ones Sam had built himself as a kid, in the empty lot below our lot. Assured the lumber was borrowed from our stash, Sam talked the boys into admitting it and bringing the pieces back :-)

Now with the new set of school agers on the hill, they are creating new memories as they gather each morning on West Mercer Way for the yellow school bus. And plans are to do some caroling with Hot Chocolate with marshmallows and Strawberry Santas at the end.

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"GIRI" - Japanese Word for Social Manners and Obligations

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Drawn by granddaughter! Drawn by granddaughter!
Similar to Emily Post for our western traditions and manners, those of us with Japanese Heritage also maintain various levels of GIRI.

Yesterday, I was asked to pick up a distant cousin, at the airport from Pocatello, Idaho, where she is attending Idaho State. Her parents flew in from Hilo, Hawaii, a few hours later. Her family is precise about paying me back and thanking me in ways far beyond the favors I do for them. I was excited to participate because I felt I owed them the favor for what they have done in the past for me.

We had a small argument as to who pays for dinner. She won because I’m too agreeable. As I dropped her off at her hotel, she had another gift she had purchased, a box of Macarons. I reluctantly accepted, despite the fact that I didn’t get to be the hostess for dinner. Now, I feel obligated for next time and we will continue the game.

Issei (immigrants born in Japan) families, I have known, kept written notebooks and logs of how much money they received as memorial and celebratory gifts from relatives and friends, especially for funerals. Therefore, when the times came to reciprocate, the exact amount was given back. The notebook pages were kept by the oldest son to continue the tradition.

Like favors with our American hostess gifts, there is an OKAESHI (giving back requirement). I don’t know when it stopped, but when we used to bring KODEN (donations to help offset funeral expenses), we got an envelope back with a few postal stamps. My uncle gave everyone who came to the grand opening of his grocery store a Japanese ceramic dish.

Many Nisei (children of Issei) continued most of these traditions. My mother often refused invitations to socialize with her childhood Japanese friends and wouldn’t participate in the Japanese community events telling us kids, “No, we can’t go visit them because we can’t afford it.” My nuclear family was very poor because my father was not a good farmer, but uncles and aunts helped us a lot because we are “family”. As a Sansei (child of the Nisei), I love socializing and the obligations. I “play by feel”, not duty.

OMOIDE Writing Program celebrated the 30th year of sharing stories at the Japanese Cultural and Community Center of Washington in Seattle in November 2021. Several of us noticed the abundance of the contribution to the pot-luck refreshment table. We all feel “embarrassed” to not bring at least twice as much as we expect to consume. Several, stay and make sure the room is as orderly or better than when we entered as we leave.

My friend John Asari told me his story of when he was little and how their family went to parks for outings and picnics. As responsible and good citizens, his mother made sure the family left the place cleaner than when they found it.

Because of 200 years of isolation and because Japanese citizens live so close to each other in their limited livable island territory, Japanese brought socializing and good manners to a science. For me it’s common sense and psychologically fulfilling to be courteous and do what feels right.

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THANKS FOR A GOOD YEAR 2021

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THANKS FOR A GOOD YEAR 2021
THANKFUL FOR SMALL THINGS, BIG THINGS AND EVERYTHING IN BETWEEN!

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THERE IS NO GOOD WITHOUT EVIL

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Drawn by Granddaughter Drawn by Granddaughter
The Yin/Yang principle suggests, we are constantly influenced by good and bad choices as we live daily. The goal is to keep a balance. Yin (literally the ‘shady place’) is the dark area. Yang (literally the “sunny place’) is the brightly lit part of our lives. It is not the getting rid of the dark that will lead to fulfillment but rather an understanding of both dark and light according to Taoist philosophy and embraced by Buddhism.

A Japanese heritage example of this concept is the acceptance of elements of the Yakuza – Japanese Mafia. After both the 1995 Kobe earthquake and 2011 Fukushima Tsunami disasters, reports were that the Yakuza were the first responders in helping. 
One of the notorious Yakuza individuals in the Seattle area before WWII was a person referred to as “Kinpachi”. Two stories exemplify Kinpachi’s impact on our community. 

As we gathered in Jack and Del Uchida’s kitchen in the early 1990s, on Seattle’s Beacon Hill, we shared our first OMOIDE stories. Jack told us about accidentally running into Kinpachi on the streets of Tokyo on one of his visits to Japan. He said, “I recognized him from a distance because he had an imposing body and his arms hung long like an ape.” Kinpachi had been deported back to Japan in the late 1940s because of his unlawful activities. Jack’s comments as he told us of the incident was that they met as friends.

Tak Kubota told me a story of when he was young and ran the movie projector at Nippon Kan Theater on 6th Avenue in Seattle’s International district. The Yakuza arrived regularly to get paid for being protectors before the show could go on. It is my understanding the same issue was true for a number of the early hotel and restaurant businesses owned by the first Japanese to immigrate and have businesses in Seattle in the early 1900s. There were incidents of racial harassment but Tak indicated the protection was extortion and uncalled for.

None of us were afraid of Kinpachi. His wife was a Sunday school teacher for Sam and my girls. His children are still upstanding members of our community. 

Does that mean we approve of what Kinpachi did? No, that’s why we tell the story of a bad example. His career choices were wrong -- he was deported and he had to leave his family behind.

Every community and each social group have Yin/Yang elements. If you make bad choices there are consequences. Yakuza stories are “Yin” - colorful and fun to tell - for “Yang” results?!

Bio notes: Tak Kubota’s family were the creators of South End Seattle’s Kubota Japanese Garden and Tak also had a hand in establishing Kawabe House for retirement. Jack Uchida was one of the early Boeing Engineers and also engineered the famous Tsutakawa Fountains. He was likely on a trip to Japan dealing with one of the fountain dedications.

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NISEI KOREAN WAR VETERAN FINDS LOVE WITH AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE

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As told to Dee As told to Dee
Hearing a bullet whistle past my head, on the 38th parallel in the Korean War, I found that life became more precious. As a sergeant with the US Infantry, I came home with a commendation from the President of South Korea. But helping establish a successful family enterprise raising onions and seed crops became a priority with my father and two brothers. Like the handful of us second-generation Japanese guys farming in the 1950s, I enjoyed the girls at Japanese community gatherings and parties. We hung out with the white guys bowling and at the Turf Cafe. Five AM to 5 PM was our day, seven days a week. If we had a break, we did some fishing and hunting.

I grew up near Boise, Idaho before moving to Quincy, Washington. We were active in school. I was the president of our class of 1949 at Notus High and was a pretty good guard on our winning basketball team. It was clear that when it came to girlfriends and marriage, we needed to stick to our own kind. Since the pickings were slim in farm country, we were encouraged to agree to arranged marriages or to look for candidates from Japan.
As the oldest son getting close to 30 years old, my parents declared it was a duty to visit my father’s birthplace in Hiroshima. I was not enthused to follow my immigrant father’s advice in that it was also my family obligation to agree to some arranged meetings of girls for potential marriage on the trip.

I carried out my obligation of visiting the graves of our ancestors, partied with the relatives, met a couple women, and was about to leave. Uncle Sugita insisted I stay another day because he had one more candidate whom I shouldn’t miss.
It was a tug-of-war, Sugita interjecting, “She’s a beauty.”
I finally gave in.

Sixty years later, Sue smiles at Tosh as she shyly comments, “I don’t know why I agreed to the meeting and agreed to get married. He wasn’t like all the other Japanese men. He opened doors for me and was courteous.”
Tosh counters with a grin and with his characteristic comebacks, “Also, because I’m so handsome!”
Sue adds, “I was the youngest of six and wanted some adventure like America. I had no idea what I was doing.”
Tosh continues, “It was because she was also a country girl that I agreed. I couldn’t bring a city girl to live in such an isolated place like Quincy and be a poor farmer’s wife.”

Their daughter, Janet, reflects, “They were polar opposites with strong wills, but maybe like Dad learned from his dad with farming, they put in the work no matter how hard it might have been. They never quit and grew to depend on each other. They would never say, ‘I love you’ to each other, but I heard Dad admit to a cousin that he loved Mom.”

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ROAD TO OMOIDE (MEMORIES) 2021 - 30TH ANNIVERSARY CELEBRATION

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Dee, Margaret, Chuck, Del - in... Dee, Margaret, Chuck, Del - in 1991
OMOIDE - a writing program of Jcccw.org
Growing up in the 1940s and 50s, those of us of Japanese heritage socialized mostly within “our own kind.” Our elders made special efforts for Japanese-heritage girls and guys to get together. When I was at Lewis and Clark College, Portland, in 1956, I attended the yearly Thanksgiving weekend Japanese Methodist Youth Conference. Methodist Youth Fellowship (MYF) participants gathered from Seattle, Tacoma, and Spokane, Washington, and Portland and Ontario, Oregon.

There was always a Saturday night dance attended by other Japanese heritage youth from each host city. We girls sat on the row of chairs on the south side of the Portland church gymnasium and the guys kind of stood around in bunches on the north side. Chuck Kato, from Seattle, whom I had never met before, walked all the way across the gym and asked me to dance. The reason I remember it so well is because he had this crazy way of holding a girl - bending over sideways more than normal.

Thirty-five years later in 1991, both Chuck and I were married to someone else and our kids were grown. With Margaret Baba Yasuda and Del Nakayama Uchida, we started weekly conversations around Sam’s and my kitchen table on Mercer Island to generate memories. I had been hired 20 years earlier to help start the Japanese Collection at the University of Washington Libraries Special Collections of the Japanese experience in the Pacific Northwest. I decided we could generate more original documentation with a writing group.

Del was good at providing refreshments and inviting us to her house on Beacon Hill. Her husband Jack Uchida, engineer of the world-famous fountains sculpted by Seattle’s George Tsutakawa, joined us sometimes. He talked about his youth with the Seattle Taiyos Nisei Baseball team and how they went to the Hashidate-Yu Japanese bath in the Panama Hotel after games.

Jack said, “We swam and looked under the divider between the men’s and women’s sides to see what we could see!”

Three times, using PageMaker and Kinko’s, we published Omoide I, II, and III as Christmas presents for friends and family. Omoide V (2009) is a professional compilation of the three sets of original stories and was funded by 4Culture.org, which provides cultural resources for King County. When 4Culture first started around 2002-03, I served on the committee choosing its recipients.

In 2003, the JCCCW (Japanese Cultural and Community Center of Washington) was incorporated and Omoide became one of its programs. Atsushi Kiuchi, retired state employee and journalist, moved to Issaquah from Olympia. With his experience on the State Superintendent of Public Instruction's Civil Liberties Education Grant selection board, Ats secured a grant for the JCCCW's Omoide writing program to publish Omoide IV, featuring Pacific Northwest Nikkei (the Japanese-heritage community); it told of their personal stories from before, during and after World War II. Omoide’s activities also expanded to include presentations at schools, teachers' workshops and public gatherings.

In 2011, Ats and I got to know Janine Brodine, who teaches writing, by sharing a tent booth at the Kirkland Book Fair. Janine even considers using a Japanese nickname “Midori” (green) so she can blend in naturally.

In 2014, with Tyler Sipe’s skills, Ats helped create a ten-minute Omoide video, which was shown at the Seattle Film Festival.

What keeps us going are the Japanese-heritage values and stories most of the participants of Omoide share. My UW thesis in Psychosocial Nursing suggests that talking and sharing stories are vital to our emotional health. My classmate, JoAnn Banks, now a professor of Nursing in North Carolina, includes storytelling as an important part of “Healing.” For me, Omoide has been a major life ingredient for dealing with widowhood for the last three years. We are looking forward to many more stories in the years ahead!

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LEARNING NOT TO SAY TOO MUCH

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LEARNING NOT TO SAY TOO M...
Thinking of a time when I was 4 or 5-years-old. My Dad invited this German couple, Cookie & Agnes Koch, to move their trailer home onto our farm yard next to our house so they could hook up to our electricity. That was on our farm in Sand Hollow, Idaho, during WWII. Boise, Idaho was about 30 miles away on highway 30.

I heard my parents talk about how the Kochs were behind with their electricity payment. The next day, I took it upon myself to go and say something to Agnes. That night, Mom and Dad had plans to go to a friend’s place for dinner.

We had a two passenger tan Chevrolet Coupe with a window ledge behind the one seat. That was my seat, to curl up and sit or lie down. I was in the car and waiting for Mom and Dad to put the hostess gifts of vegetables in the trunk and carry my baby sister into the car. Mrs. Koch came rushing down our driveway to our front door to apologize for not getting the payments to my parents.

Dad was SO embarrassed, he grabbed me out of the car. Took me back into the house, made me sit on the stool and made me stay home while they went to dinner. That’s one of the last times I remember crying and crying and crying, not being able to stop.

I considered it my fault so I never resented my parents. For sure, I learned that it was important to be considerate of other people and not embarrass my family.

It helped make me independent and not get overemotional about incidents. I also learned the Japanese ways of “Gaman” - self control, tolerance, patience. Maybe, that is also why it is easier for me to keep my mouth shut and do some thinking before saying things. It has served me well in the the seventy some years since that time.

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