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"Any fool can criticize, conde... "Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain
Most fools do."
-Ben Franklin
The best “Parenting Advice” I’ve ever gotten is this mantra of keeping our critical remarks to ourselves in the heat of the moment. The problem can then be discussed later at a non-problem time. This came from a Thomas Gordon, Parent Effectiveness Training. Sam and I had Sheryn Hara come to our home for six weeks and train about six of us.

When I share this idea with others, I add that the best non-problem time and place is date to a restaurant so there is no temptation for arguing because it would be embarrassing. For sure this applies to couples as well.

One time, our oldest daughter was throwing around a lot of sassy comments and back talking. Since we knew about the No Talking Rule, Sam and I put some duct tape across her bedroom doorway with a bible verse:

"Proverbs 21:23 23Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity.”

Today’s parenting can take advantage of “text messaging”. The secondary skill to acquire is: appropriate reactions when one’s emotional temperature is rising.

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This drawing hangs prominently in our home to remind us daily of rising above difficult situations. Like a punching bag, the bottom is weighted so the doll has no problem uprighting itself when knocked over and indicative of a useful habit - a skill which we can learn and become a master with years of practice and 10,000 repetitions.

There is a second tradition related to Drama Dolls for goal setting. The dolls can be purchased with just the white blank eyes. When I decide to make a goal - best to think of one that takes about a year to accomplish - I put in the left eye. When the goal is accomplished, I put in the right eye.

This is something I want to start with my granddaughters and pass on to future generations.

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Everything I’ve observed in the last 50 years is that Good Parenting is Good Leadership. Warren Bennis - labeled a "leadership guru" - suggests that resilient, true and extraordinary leadership is an ability to find meaning in trying circumstances.

This morning, we sat around the breakfast table and started the day with drawing wisdom cards and reading them aloud. The best one said: “Grow through what you are going through.”

With the passing of my spouse and the dealing with the courts in our life, the questions of "parenting" is front and center.

So what is the outcome I want of all the “crucible experiences”?

When our first daughter was born in 1964, I spent most of my waking hours that first year, looking at this miracle that a year ago was nothing but an egg in my ovaries and sperm in Sam’s epididymus.

As I thought about how I wanted to parent, I decided that there would be a good chance for me to see some of my great grandchildren in my lifetime. What kind of adults do I want to see and what kind of mother and grandmother do I want Lynette to be to achieve this?

So, Sam and I agreed that we wanted to see healthy, kind, responsible, resilient and integrity in outcomes. One of the tools we studied was Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The other thing that became more and more clear and important were our Japanese Heritage values - honesty, trust, hard work, family, harmony with nature, education.

Therefore, Sam and I read, took classes, looked for good examples and allowed failures. From our Japanese Heritage we teach the "Daruma Principle" - Nana korobi, ya oki (fall seven times, get up eight times. We did our best as physical parents while our girls learned to parent their own inner child.

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One of the most difficult parts of New Year resolutions is to stay accountable for what we know is good for us healthwise - physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

The Japanese arts and culture have brought many of our resolution type goals to a science with their training curriculums and with their national self-discipline skills.

These Japanese heritage values are learned first from appreciation of nature. This morning I watched this documentary on the billions of dollars put in to creating the event: "First Sunrise of the Year".

The event is a train-ride in northern Japan. After the devastating earthquake the Iwata Prefecture used the donation of $$several billion from Kawait to reconstruct the railway along this northern shoreline. They are making it profitable by creating publicity with this sold out event as one rides this specially designed train cars - "kotatsu tables" (gathering under blankets of heat), bento, paper amulet with string craft and a visit to local shrine.

The story featured this family - parents taking young grade school age daughter - and the words of inspiration were from the daughter, "The beauty of the sunrise motivates me to similarly rise each morning and be my best".

My personal goal is pass these heritage values in creative ways as I help parent our granddaughters this year. I will be the parent, reminding them over and over, to take care of their own basic needs until it becomes a habit of their own. The goal is to be healthy adults that mentor/parent their own inner child.

I'm reading a book called: DANISH WAY OF PARENTING. The authors are describing what I learned in graduate school about coping and solving problems. It's described as " Internal vs. External Locus of Control. Part of being a good parent is to teach our children to acquire Internal Locus of Control or becoming our own Self-Parent.

I learned about this the best when I started our daughter in the Suzuki Method violin program where the girls learned a skill that gave them confidence and a feeling of capability.

Self-Parenting or Internal Locus of Control ultimately takes 10,000 repetitions according to Malcolm Gladwell in OUTLIERS.

My resolution for 2019 is to share my philosophy of learning Self-Parenting the Japanese and Danish way by continuing to learn and sharing these ideas.

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"YOYU" is a Japanese word: ... "YOYU" is a Japanese word:
Extra - extra time, extra money, extra energy, extra ability - for accomplishing the task at hand.
I find this article on my computer desk top. An example of having extra thoughts ready when I’m booked for the next few days and see that I haven’t posted this week:

Coach Vince Lombardi of the Green Bay Packers was known to say: “If you are five minutes early, you are 10 minutes late.”

Here I am in seat 15f on my way to San Francisco to play some more of the nanny game. Reading the BEYOND Alaska magazine, there is an article about tips for how to enjoy flying. The first tip is to get to the airport early to avoid frustrations. The second tip is to wear the same set of clothes for each flight.

This morning I awoke an hour earlier than needed and I got to sleep early. I had plenty of time to remember things and not think of it in the car after leaving the house.

I have a window seat and am enjoying the sunny scenery,

When Lynette was three or four years old, our Suzuki violin teacher from Japan first taught us the word “YOYU” and how to create it. She explained that a three-year-old doesn’t mind repeating the same thing over and over. Parents have no trouble praising over and over. Each step, for instance of holding the bow in the right position becomes automatic. Lynette could do it without thinking and then concentrate on enjoying the piece as she shared.

At the age of almost eighty, I have acquired tools for extra energy with Shaklee supplements. My body houses “ME”. If I feed it right, put it in a decent environment, exercise/rest, and learn the tools to maintain a good attitude; I can enjoy the esthetics of love, beauty, peace and happiness in my God given life!!

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Places like Cosco and Amazon have these packages of white towels in the section for mechanics. Years ago, I bought a package for kitchen towels. As they got soiled looking and ready for disposal, I decided they even worked for kitchen messes on the stove and floor.

Then, I decided to wash them every few days and put out new ones every day. Therefore, they were clean, but just soiled looking.

When guests come, I hang fancier versions. But I have a shelf full of the old and new mechanic towels and I don't worry about what I use them for - and then just throw them in the wash - drying dishes, wiping the counter, clearing the table, water drips from watering plants, messes on the floor - just throw them in the wash and get a new one all day long.

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The Omoide Writing Group sug... The Omoide Writing Group
suggestion for January 2019.
"A story with a surprise ending"
Last year, starting the day after Thanksgiving 2017, we turned my office, on the main floor of our house, into the hospice room for Sam’s last month with us. He passed on New Year’s Eve. With the help of family and friends, the room is my office again where I write, pay bills and keep my desk top TV on for company. I’ve spent a lot of the year sorting, organizing, taking things to the thrift shop and thinking about what I want for my new life.

Planning, shopping, cleaning and cooking for a 2018 Goto family Christmas at our house, with over thirty of us, has kept me busy and helped me get past Sam and my fifty-seventh Christmas Eve Wedding Anniversary this past week.

Today, I got most of the laundry done and went downstairs, which was Sam’s man-cave, to do some exercising on the rebounder, do the rowing machine and watch the SeaHawk football game on the larger TV monitor. Sam’s Medical Dental Building Lab and his work area, throughout his career, was always impeccable. Therefore, his desk remains as he left it, always clean and clearly organized. It’s not easy, but I decide to look in Sam’s desk.

The base of Sam’s work area is this old and large metal desk. But Sam never left any part of our house without his special creative touch of built-in shelves and artistic additions. Right behind the desk top is this old wooden Coca Cola crate on it’s side that houses various work tools (all labeled) and art equipment. A cork bulletin board holds all kinds of drawings and sayings. Over the desk is a shelf with several of his favorite cartoon heroes framed and art collections.

Pulling out the top drawer, on the right side and in the back section, there is a brown file folder. As I open it, on top is the outline we created for his TOMODACHI cartoons and the Shig story Sam drew weekly for the NORTH AMERICAN POST, the five years before he passed.

But the next piece is an old brown envelope with “FIRST CLASS MAIL”, addressed to Goto Dental Laboratory, Inc.; 423 Medical Dental Bldg.; Seattle, WA 98101. The return address is:

Patent and Trademark Office
Washington, D.C. 20231
if UndelIvered Return in ten Days

Inside is the returned hand printed letter, dated Oct 19, 1977:

Please send me the schematic
drawing, description and
any related literature on patent
number #2,482,773, the Hieronymus
I am enclosing a check for
two dollars to cover any costs.
Please bill me if more is required.

Thank you,
Sincerely yours,

So what is a Hieronymus Machine? The first paragraph says:

Patented Sept. 27, 1949 with a page of schematic drawings.
The invention relates to the art of detecting the presence of and measuring the intensity or quantity
of any of the known electro-chemical series of elements of material matter, or the combination of two or more such elements, whether in solid, fluid or gaseous forms at ordinary room temperatures and without special treatment of requiring any change in the material under observation.

My surprise assumption is that the directions for making a Hieronymus Machine was in this folder, and not in his file cabinet because Sam intended to work at building his own Hieronymus machine as one of his next projects???

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Today, I sharpened up some leadership tools for sharing my new life without my partner, by listening to a video interview with Adam Green about leadership. CLARITY OF MY PURPOSE was the theme - getting people to do something they wouldn’t do unless you are there.

For sure, I want to continue our 42 year commitment for QUALITY HEALTH & ENERGY and commitment to leaving a legacy of OUR HERITAGE VALUES.

I looked up “leadership” in the dictionary and the definition is backwards - explaining goals and ideas that get others to buy in.

My sharpened “leadership” definition involves: first establishing CLARITY for MYSELF, sharing the excitement with others so they develop their own clarity for what they want and become leaders themselves. LET THEM be motivated to seek the information needed for themselves.


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It’s almost a year since Sam passed. What I’m missing the most is: “SOMEONE IN MY CORNER” to help me plan for Christmas.

I Love the Christmas Season of warming with heart and connections. I’m filling my mind with ways of making it special with food and memories of our most exciting times.

All my growing up years, we were very poor, but I knew I could ask Santa for one present. All year I planned for that one thing that I knew I could ask of Santa. I have a sister five years younger than me, but I was the one who always awakened at 5am or so to look under the tree. I could hardly wait for Kathy to awaken so we could open our ONE PRESENT. I was just as excited to see her open her present.

This one year around 1950, Terri Lee Dolls was the big thing. I was too old for dolls by then, but my sister was asking for one. Uncle Frank knew Kathy wanted this doll so on their fall vacation they bought one.

When they got back to Ontario and were parked in our driveway, Kathy and I ran out to welcome them home. Kathy saw the doll in the back of their Chevy Station Wagon. Christmas was still a couple months away.

Kathy and I didn’t do this often, but we had an Ouiji Board. After they left we asked the Ouiji board when she would get the doll. I knew it was supposed to be a Christmas present, but the board said: “tomorrow.” Sure enough, Uncle Frank found out Kathy had seen the doll so he gave it to her that next day.

Christmas 1950, I remember waking up and waiting. I was so excited to see Kathy when she found out she got a doll buggy!!

I can hardly wait to see our granddaughters awaken this 2018 Christmas Morning!!! That’s how I’m filling those empty corners for now.

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What are the seeds we are pla... What are the seeds we are planting that fill the fractals in our lives??
Today, I picked up my 11-year-old granddaughter from school and we talked about her morning session in botany. She said, “We talked about ferns and how they are fractals. Daddy taught me about fractals.”

Later, as we were having snacks, she drew a bunch of examples of fractals such as fractal trees, cauliflower and fibrous roots. The trucks spread out to branches and the roots keep branching out - repeating the growth.

She drew the life cycle of a dandelion. I was amazed at how she could draw spanning the whole page and make it look good as an art piece. Then we talked about this ability to see the whole piece of paper in her mind ahead while she is drawing.

I can’t make my drawings and page look good because I can’t think ahead and see the whole page, which is why I say I can’t draw. When I think about drawing, I can only think of the immediate - one small “fractal”?

My 9-year-old granddaughter gets caught up in the immediate action she’s doing and does not have the ability to think a few steps ahead (getting ready for school and getting out the door).

The picture starts with a SEED. It occurred to my granddaughter and me that some of the moments of our own thinking can be the seeds for fractals for our life environment. What kind of seeds are we planting-planning that grow into the structures of our lives???


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