gangFIGHT
When I was a kid, my father always shares his past experience before I go to sleep. I remembered the story about him being chased by policemen because he got involved in a gang fight outside our area. He later found out that one of the men he fought with was related to a police officer of our town. When the policemen found our home, my father hid in the water drum, while my grandfather (my father’s father) continually denying that my father was at home. He said that he hid for almost 1 year, until the warrant against him has been trashed. By-the-way, he was only 18 years old at that time (he said).
TheLONGwavyHAIR
My father also told me about his appearance when he was in his early 20’s. He said that he had buff shoulders, fair-brown complexion, a thick mustache, and a
LONG WAVY HAIR. I can’t picture him having those specifications because the only thing left that I could remember was his thick mustache. Maybe I do not want to try to have his mustache, but I WANNA KNOW IF I CAN HAVE LONG WAVY HAIR TOO. And
YES I did have a long wavy hair. After keeping my hair long for almost half a year, I proved that my father and I have the same hair growth. Mine is not that wavy, just a little, but still can do.
theEXgirlfriend
His experiences that I am allowed to know was not enough to fulfill those sleepless nights, and so one night, he decides to share to me his past love affair
SSSSSS.
HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD 4 SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP, but he focused on the woman named ‘NORA’. (He said), Nora was not an easy woman. She’s slim, had long hair, not so tall, and owns a pretty legs.
YEAH, THAT’S WHAT HE SAID. Nora always rides her bike going to school and market. Her family had a Bakery business which is loved throughout the area. BUT her father died and their business had shut down. My father and Nora knew each other since they were kids. They’ve been together when my father was 19, and Nora was 21.
THEIR AGE GAP DID NOT set a wall between the two. But the family of Nora decides to move in Isabela Province, which is so far from our place. As Nora said goodbye, my father just held on to their promise to each other. AFTER SOME YEARS, both of them got MARRIED, but with different partners.
MY FATHER LOVED MY MOM SO MUCH as far as I know. But every time I remember this story, REALITY OF LOVE always hunts me. There are lots of things running inside my head. WE may be hurt on the current relationship right now, but SOMEDAY, ONEDAY.. we’ll find true love… that will result a fruitful marriage.
Why there's people who can't learn from their mistakes?
Then they will act like they we're maltreated when somebody corrects them.
People who can't learn from the mistakes of their past.... from the mistakes of the people around them.
It just pissed me off.
They've heard a lot of good things.. how to do good things... how to make good things... and how make those good things last.
But they still choose not to obey...
I just wondered how their brains are functioning...
how their hearts beating... how thick is the numbness that's covering it...
THEY WERE THE ONES I HEARD THAT THEY HAVE A BIG DREAM...
Dreams that were surreal...
But they were the dumbest people I've ever seen....
SORRY FOR THE WORDS
#justpuring'myheartout!!!!
15, MAPAMARAAN, MERCY/FAITH, AQUINO
Whenever I think about my high school days, there's a feeling deep down inside me that believes someday, someone will invent a time machine. I know it sounds crazy but. . . yeah, those were the times I wanna return to. When I was on that stage of my life, I felt everything was so slow. I want to graduate in no time. I bet my wish has been granted. Now, I am missing them all badly. The heat of the room, the crowded gathering place, the smell of the old cabinets and walls. I just missed them... literary. And of course, I missed the people I've been with. Those people that I've laughed and cried for almost 4 years. Those were the times where everything just feels right. The happiness and the craziness of the people around me just lifts up my spirit everyday. Though its not a perfect place, and they're not the perfect people... they are still the best people you could ever find in this world. Maybe for me... yeah. But I believe everybody has been placed by God in a specific place, with the specific people, and a specific reason for a person to grow.
Just pourin' my heart out... I AM BADLY MISSING THEM :(
"Hello Philippines" to "Hello Bangkok". Well, hoping to say "Hello World" someday.
Well this year, many things happened to me. I've been blessed to be alive and do the things I haven't done before. I had a lot in mind where sometimes I felt like I am insanely fugitive. I've hide many times because of the fear to be rejected. Through the past years, I missed a lot of opportunities because I am scared. Scared that I am not good enough to meet all the expectations of the people around me, especially the people that I love. Well, this year is quite different. I felt a lot of mood swings and different emotions. I established new friends and still hold on to the old ones. 2011 is such a big blessing to me. A huge opportunity to start all over again.
COLLEGE LIFE
This is the year where I officially started my college. It's in Institute of International Studies, Ramkhamhaeng University. At first, It was quite awkward hearing different languages in every area of the Uni. There's Thai, German, Nepal, Burmese, Chinese, Japanese, English, etc. Here in Ramkhamhaeng, I saw the biggest classroom I've ever seen. Believe me, it's not an auditorium, It's really a classroom. When I was in high school, I just walk from my house going to school, but here, I need to take 2 rides which will take me about an hour to get me to Uni. It's quite difficult for me because I can't read Thai. I also establish new friends coming from different countries. It's a cross culture where I need to adjust myself to the things they've been used to. Well, I'm a Filipino, I can adjust to anything, or to anyone. ------
#I AM NOW COMFORTABLE WITH THEM.
ICA YOUTH
Ok I'll admit it, at first I never thought that I'll fit in to this group. With them having those expensive clothes and nice gadgets. With them talking about cool and out-of-my-league stuffs. With them hanging around in some "high-so" place. With them living in an expensive condo or a house that cost can feed me for a year. With them having an executive parents. I mean, the richest friend I had in the Philippines is getting 200 pesos for school everyday. But here, everything is different. When I saw them, I said to myself "How did I live without all those things the whole time". They've been spending almost a thou just for one day out. I've been living with 500 pesos a week which equivalent to 460 baht. That 500 pesos is for my lunch for a week, the things I need to buy for school, and my snack for the afternoon. I need to work hard for the things I want beside those daily needs. YES, this group made me compare my lifestyle to their lifestyle. OR SO I THOUGHT…… After a few months, these guys made me feel like I am home. That I am accepted whether where I came from. I found new friend, best friends and new brothers and sisters. I learned a lot from these guys. I saw different people with different stories to tell. We're all came to different countries, yet we've became one because of Jesus Christ. I never felt Friday night the way like this before. This is the highlight of my week. Seeing the, singing with them, learning with them, playing games with them is the highlight of my week. God moves in mysterious ways. :D ------
#NOW, THEY ARE MY NEW COMFORT ZONE.
THE MANEEYA/ICA PEEPS
Every time I am with these parents, I felt like I am still in Tondo, Manila. The noise, the clumsiness, the eeeewwwww stuffs, the funny conversations, the chizmaxx… they're almost like my friends in the Philippines, only with a few years older. They all grew up in the Philippines, but trying to build their fate here in Bangkok. I like to sit and listen to them. These people can teach me a lot of stuff that I would never learn in the four sides of my classroom. I've learned about life, how it goes, and how bitter it can be. I like hearing them telling stories about their "so youngness", and describing how fun and simple was the life back then. I like to hear them tell the jokes that's not "in" to this generation anymore. I saw friendship that built last for a lifetime. They've told me about how hard their life before. How they survive and stood up in every circumstances they face. I've also seen tears. I saw how a parent cried because of their children. I've also saw how they still accept each other despite of the big disappointment they've felt. Well, as they say, "that's life". All you need to do is to trust God. I saw them hold on and let go to the things concerning about their life. I've been inspired by the courage and the strength they have beyond those imperfection of their partners in life. They had a lot of imperfections, those imperfections that made them perfect. I'm happy I've known all of them. --------
#THEY ARE NOT THE BEST, BUT I LOVED THEM ALL :D
THE DREAM
Dreaming is one of my hobby ever since I've been conscious about the reality of life. Before, I dreamt about the things that this world possess. I pursue life having the basis of expectation of this world. NOW, I want more. I want things that last for lifetime ---- for eternity. It's so nice to be slapped by the reality that everything that lies here on earth won't exist forever. I HAVE A SAVIOR, and he promised me a life that will remain forever. My heart desires for many things, I don't have to worry about it anymore, because I know who gave me these desires. And he can make it possible if I give my whole entire being to Him. Before, my heart seeks for earthly things, but now, my heart longs for more --------
#JESUS CHRIST
It keeps haunting me. The chills and the shivering every time you point it out to me. My stomach is rumbling.
I am still seeking for the right time.
I AM EXCITED ON WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO WITH MY LIFE..
I wanted to be used by you. YOU ALONE.
It's been a year and a half since the day I left Philippines. A lot of things had changed. A lot of stories had been kept secret. The only thing that remains is the FACT that I missed them so much.
THEM - who were always there for me. Even though I am busy doing something, they just sit down beside me and watch me. They were the ones who always saw my laugh and my tears. They were the ones who made me feel like I am a very important person. From head to toe, we know each other. From the way I speak, to the way I clothe myself. They were there when I am hungry, thirsty and feel like peeing. They were the ones who made me laugh until I cry while rolling down on the floor. Those stupidest things I've done, they were the witnesses. Even the wildest dream in my mind, they all knew about it. They know the meaning of every single movement I've done.
I love them. I can never replace them.
I thank God for their lives.
I want to see them again.
I MISS THEM.
I just want to write before I go to Uni. :D
Good Morning everyone.
It's a typical Tuesday morning here in Bangkok. Raining, haven't seen the sunlight. It's quite cold yet not enough to call it "cold". I haven't sleep yet since I woke up yesterday at 3PM. My eyes are widely open, seeking for something new today. I haven't done this for a long time. I am awake the whole night thinking about stuffs. . . AS USUAL. Maybe I am thinking a lot. I'm not thinking about school or those Thai alphabets. I'm thinking about life. Dreaming again. Wide awake dreaming, barely breathing. So exciting yet disappointing. I dreamed a lot of things, until I felt empty. So I started praying. It goes..
"God, I know you can hear me. I know you know the reason why I am thinking these stuffs. I've been through poverty and brokenness. I've been through a place where it feels like there's no way out. I've grown up without these things that is surrounding me now. These gadgets and equipment I am aspiring to have. I've heard words, curses and cries of those people who is surrounding me before because of family and money issues.
Yet, I am alive. I am alive because of you. I never got hungry because of your provision. I became contented because you're a great provider. I became patient, because I know you have a plan for me.
Lord, you know my heart. You know all my desires.
But it's never about me. It's ALL ABOUT YOU!!
I Love you Jesus,
Amen."
Most of the people wants in this life is to be successful and better; to be on top and be known; to be wise and rich; to be respected and well-addressed.
I am one of them.
I've craved for achievements and seek for other people's sympathy. I used to be on top of my game. Leaving everything behind and taking pride of myself. I've done things without thinking so hard. For them it was the best, for me it was just a sneak peak of the things I can do. I've humbled myself to those people who compliments me, but deep down inside my heart, a big party of pride is happening. I can be the person those people wants me to be. From the way I speak to the way I dress-up. Everything depends on THEM. 'Cause I wanted to please them. I have talents, not that good but still can do. I've surrounded myself with peep squeaks around me. Because I know they can slightly hide my mistakes and weaknesses.
I also did created a big fantasy inside my head. A love story based on stories that's happening in other people's life. A life full of drama and a never ending circumstances. A big dream having a life that is far from reality. Those things are playing in my mind al these time. Never knowing that I am wasting my time thinking about stuffs that does not concerns my future; or even my spirituality. Everybody had a dream. Dream of having people that will love you so much. Seeking God for a perfect person even though you know that there isn't a human alive that is perfect. I am young, but I worry to much. I worried about the future. I worried about things and stuffs. I worried about time and things that's going be left when I die. I even worried about heaven and hell. I WORRIED ABOUT MY ASSURANCE OF BEING SAVED. All these time, I am not sure of myself because I worry too much.
I also have this dream of being vigorously wealthy. Big company, luxury cars, trip around the world, a big mansion. All these things are my motivation of doing more and learning more. I invest for the things I want. I even got broken hearted and feeling down because of material things. I like to day dream, especially when it comes to luxury and material needs. In these times, who doesn't? But as a Christian bearing the name of CHRIST, I should not be thinking these thoughts. I forgot that God is the source and the reason for all these things.
ALL THESE THINGS LEAD ME TO EMPTINESS.
These past months I've been asking myself about the things I am doing. Praying for answers. What's the purpose for all these? What did God wants me to do?
I GOT THE ANSWERS.
It's so simple.
Seek God . . . . . . . . . . . . . .not the World
Invest in Heaven . . . . . . . .not in the World
Love Jesus . . . . . . . . . . . . .not the World
Find comfort in Jesus . . . .not in the World
God is the source . . . . . . .not the World, NOT EVEN MYSELF.
EVERYTHING HERE IN THESE WORLD WILL MAKE YOU THRISTY AND HUNGRY FOR MORE.
IT WILL NEVER SATISFY. IT'S A ONE WAY TICKET TO DESTRUCTION.
Now I am confident. Confident that God is by my side. Confident that God is the source of all these. That I am doing these for the King of Kings. All selfishness and nonsense dreams are vanished. Now I am seeking Him for the right calling and for a greater purpose. I love God more than anything else in these world. I know He loves me more that I do.
I have no Idea what will happen next, but with God, I know it will be great.
May mga bagay na dapat mawala bago mo matutunang bigyan ng importansya ang ibang bagay na nakapaligid sayo. Isa to sa mga lumang kasabihan na nananatiling katotohanan magpahanggang ngayon. Totoo. . . . . . Masakit. . . . . . Mahirap. . . . Pero sa bandang huli, masasabi mo, "Tama nga sila!". Mahirap tanggapin na kailangan na may kunin at may mawala sayo para makita mo ang buong mundo, pero dahil mahal tayo ng Panginoon, hindi nya hinahayaang maudlot ang paglago natin kasabay ng agos ng mundo.
"Lahat ng bagay sa mundong ito ay hindi permanente."
Yan ang isa pang katotohanan na mahirap tanggapin. Bilang isang tao, natututo tayong mag mahal. Natututo tayong magpahalaga. Merun tayong kaisipan na "merun pa namang bukas". Pwede kang mag desisyon na "bukas" na lang mag mahal, o bukas na lang sila "pahalagahan". Pero kahit kelan, hindi mo pwedeng ipagpabukas kapag ikaw ay "nasaktan". Hindi mo alam kung kelan dadating. Minsan dumarating ang sakit kapag masaya ka, minsan naman kapag lugmok ka sa problema. Pero napakabait ng Panginoon. Hindi nya ginawang permanente itong mundong puro sakit at hirap dahil mayroon syang nilaan na lugar kung saan walang paghihirap at dusa sa lahat ng nagmamahal sa kanya.
Dumating ako sa punto na marami akong tanong tungkol sa buhay. Dumating din ako sa punto na nahihirapan akong maniwala at magtiwala sa mga bagay na hindi ko pa nakikita. Yun yung mga panahon na wala ko palagi sa aming bahay. Naghanap ako ng kasagutan sa ibang tao, sa ibang lugar,at sa iba't ibang pagkakataon kung saan nasaksihan ko kung paano bumagsak ang isang tao kapag wala syang PANANANAMPALATAYA. Natakot ako, ayokong matulad sa kanila. Marami akong pangarap sa buhay. Malaki ang tiwala sakin ng pamilya ko. Hindi ko pwedeng ihinto ang mundo nila dahil sa mga walang kapakinabangan na katanungan ko tungkol sa buhay buhay.
Habang marami akong katanungan, palagi rin akong wala sa aming bahay. Gabi na din kung ako ay umuwi. Masaya sa labas, lalo na pag kasama mo ang barkada mo. Alam kong may obligasyon ako sa aming tahanan pero sabi ko sa sarili ko "maiintindihan naman nila ako kasi normal sa kabataan ang palaging wala sa bahay". OO, naging mapusok din ako nun. Ang hindi ko lang sinubukan ay ang mga bisyo. Habang wala ako sa bahay, hindi ko namamalayang unti unting lumalayo ang loob ko sa aking ama. Ang aking tatay ang aking pinakamatalik na kaibigan. Halos walang makapag hiwalay sakin sa kanya noon. Pero nung nagsimula akong matutong maging masaya sa labas ng aming bahay, hindi ko na sa nabigyan ng atensyon. Nararamdaman ko na naiintindihan nya ako. Kaya pinagpapatuloy ko ang mga kahibangan ko.
Dumating yung gabi na hindi ko inaasahan. Tinanong ako ni tatay kung kumain na daw ba ako, ang sagot ko naman ay ayoko pang kumain. Sa totoo lang, hindi sya kumain dahil hindi ako kumain. Pakiramdam ko merun pa syang mga gustong sabihin. Kaming lahat ay nasa ibaba ng aming bahay at nanunood. Biglang sambit ng aking ama "pahingi naman ng piso pang yosi, HULI NA TO". Ngunit hindi sya binigyan ng aking nanay dahil ilang beses na kaming nagpabalik balik sa ospital dahil sa kanyang sakit sa baga. Naghahanda na ako sa pagtulog noong pahahon na yun at ang aking tatay ay nakahiga na din sa kanilang higaan. Ang aking ina naman ay nanatili sa ibaba at nanonood ng telebisyon. Habang tinititigan ko ang aking tatay, Napansin ko na hirap syang gumalaw, inabot nya ang dingding at dahan dahan syang tumayo, aking ikinagulat ng bigla syang bumagsak sa sahig. Nilapitan ko sya agad. Hinawakan ko agad ang ulo nya. Tinitigan nya ako ng mga sampung segundo bago sya nawalan ng malay. Dinala agad namin sya sa ospital. Kinabukasan, hindi ko inaasahang mawawala sya samin. OO, naging masama akong anak. Hindi ko man lang alam kung anong tumatakbo sa isip nya nung panahong hawak ko ang ulo nya. Hindi ko alam kung anong nararamdaman nya nung gabing yun. Hindi ko alam kung anong pinagdadaanan nya tuwing wala ako sa bahay. Kung anong nararamdaman na tuwing pabalang akong sumagot sa kanya. Nasaktan ko sya, dahil sinaktan ko sarili ko. At ngayon, purong sakit ang nararamdaman ko sa tuwing maalala ko sya, dahil sa mga bagay na nagawa ko sa kanya. Kung pagbabasihan ang lahat ng ama, sya ang pinakamagaling. Hindi sya edukado ngunit kahit kelan, hindi nya ako sinaktan. NI kurot o palo hindi nya nagawa sakin. Mahal ko ang tatay ko, kasi alam nya kung sino ako. Mahal ko tatay ko kasi palagi syang nandyan sa tabi ko. Alam kong mahal ko tatay ko kasi nasasaktan ako ngayon.
Pagkatapos mangyari ang insidenteng iyon, nagdesisyon ako noon. Kelangan palagi akong maaga umuwi. Marami pa akong oras para sa labas, pero itong mga tao sa bahay, hindi habang buhay kasama ko sila. Dadating ang pahanoh, mga lima hanggang pitong taon, wala na sila sa tabi ko. May sarili din silang buhay, at hindi lang yun umiikot pag nasa paligid nila ako. Mas pinipili kong matulog sa bahay kaysa sa bahay ng kaibigan ko, kasi ayokong may makaligtaan ulit. Marahil sa mga panahong ito, hindi na naman ako mapipirmi sa bahay. Habang pinapalawak ko ang aking mga kakayahan, wala man ako sa bahay, sisiguraduhin kong alam ko kung anong nagyayari sa pamilya ko. Responsibilidad ko na alamin ang mga bagay sa kanila. Kasi pamilya ko sila.
Ngayong nasa tamang edad na ako para mag desisyon sa sarili ko, kung saan mayroong tama at mali, alam kong gagabayan ako ng Diyos at hindi nya ako pababayaan.
"What comes in must go out"
That's one of the most common phrases that you'll ever hear. Its a hundred percent true though. All those things that comes in must really go out. Not just in our body (natural way) but also in our mind. What you feed in your mind will come out on your mouth. What ever you feel will be heard by the tone of your voice. Even the smallest thing on your heart will be shown by your actions.
Our heart, mind and senses are just like the natural way of "must go out" thing, when it doesn't come out in a natural way, it will be rotten, and it will painful until it comes to the extent point that it will explode and no matter how you try to stop it, YOU CAN'T!!
So be careful of what you're feeding your Heart and Mind!
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