gotohealth's Blog

Just now, my daughter came to my bedroom doorway and stated, “Mom, Kirin and I just had a discussion about how you act when some of our friends come over. Kirin says, ’You barely say hello and seem mad when Julie comes over.’”

 

Also, my daughter does not have a great opinion of one of my friends because the friend seems so unfriendly. When this friend and I are just the two of us, she is very open and sharing. We are very Japanese American 1950s-conservative about spending and at times act cheap and I'm thinking, “Japanese heritage individuals in America practiced thinking about saving pennies in every aspect of our lives because most everyone focussed on getting  ahead financially.”

 

I’m now thinking, “This is no longer my house. I want the girls to take over and I don’t want to interfere in their lives.” I remember visiting relatives who have their parents living with them. Like those elders, I’m acting like ‘wall paper’ so as to let the next generation take over. Hmmm, this is a good example of miscommunication. That’s what’s interesting about life and our American “melting pot society”.

 

I have been having a debate in my mind about another Japanese friend who acts more elderly so she can get more help. At least, that is how I read her at times. My debate is that maybe she knows better than me how to be more humble, graceful and respected as an elder? And it is also important that her sons feel value for themselves in helping her.

 

Particularly, if they are of Asian heritage and male, I’m put in the front seat of the car. Other times, I’m grandma and in the back seat. I work to not create waves of discomfort. It feels like I’m doing the right things and going with the flow. I’m not one to do a lot of talking and being expressive of what I think. Maybe, I should learn to be more expressive?

 

I think before I say much, and I’ve always been afraid of public speaking. My daughters often say, “Spit it out Mom!” Recently, I’ve had more practice being in front of audiences. I’m listening to celebrities who seemingly are not afraid to take pauses when being recorded.  And having "senior moments" is not all that bad. What helps me the most is to realize my fears are when I worry about myself and “how I look”.  I’m learning to listen and feel what the audiences want to hear.

 

It’s all practice for a “life of learning”, accepting misunderstandings and to keep trying.